Author: Rachana Misra
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When You Were the One Who Pulled Away
Healing Avoidant Attachment in the Runner-Chaser Dynamic In the previous article, we explored the experience of the one who stayed – the anxious partner – in the runner-chaser dynamic. In this piece, we turn toward the other side of the same pattern: the one who pulled away. We established earlier that the anxious-avoidant dynamic is…
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When You Were the One Who Stayed
Healing Anxious Attachment in the Runner-Chaser Dynamic There is a particular kind of heartbreak that does not end with a dramatic goodbye. No final conversation. No fighting. No clear closure. Just…silence. You continue functioning. You show up at work. You respond to messages. You move through your day, but internally, something has collapsed. You were…
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4 Letter Words for Diwali!
I am on top of the mountain. Fairy lights are winking at me in the valley below. I imagine gentle laughter and the sound of tiny tinkling bells drifting up from them. Here I am surrounded by angels, I think! Or maybe my inner voice speaks. There are messages for me. And maybe for you. Listen.…
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5 Lessons to Learn From Losing a Loved One
People say that the death of a loved one is the greatest loss that can be experienced. I think losing the living is much harder. Here are some things I have learned from the losses over the years; mine as well as those of others who have trusted me enough to have shared theirs with…
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On ‘A Father and His Daughter’
Born premature, incredibly skinny at 1300 g, unable to feed or move, and fighting to stay alive, I was the antithesis of the healthy baby parents look forward to having. When I was barely a few days old, on a visit to the hospital, my father picked me up on an impulse from the crib…
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On ‘Being Honest and Untruthful’
How quick we are to voice emotions and thoughts to those to whom these make not the least difference in terms of personal relationship! Diss or defend a politician? No problem. Confess to having stars in the eyes for that sportsperson or movie star? Totally! Bitch about someone you dislike and hardly have any interaction…
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On ‘Being Crazy and Unapologetic About It!’
For years, I have been designing ways to develop in school children the ability to see a situation or issue from different perspectives. Over time, I have found this helps in making them less judgmental and critical, and more amenable towards accepting of differences. They hold opinions, of course, often defending them vociferously, arguing and…
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On ‘Making Criticism Work’
Criticism comes irrespective of whether you think it is due, deserved or unwarranted. Just by the mere act of being, we invite criticism into our professional and personal spaces. The immediate reaction to it depends a lot on how it is delivered. The accusatory brand derogates, harms, undermines and works to destroy our sense of…
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On ‘A Romantic’s Perspective on Love’
I was recently in a discussion on loving with two distinct sides where one – the romantics – were laughed at and the other – the rationalists – were convinced that they are superior with their arguments based on reason and logic. I backed off after a few minutes as it was entertaining to simply…
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On Saying ‘Thank You! I Love You.’
I found the man I would marry when I had just turned nineteen. And I did not have to seek him out, nor snatch him out of someone else’s embrace, or worry about him belonging with someone else whose territory I was poaching. I did not have to compete to win him over. Neither did…
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On ‘Waiting’
Things are as they are: Our reality is unique to each one of us as individuals. We are each an island; isolated and independent, complete and proud of our individualism. Yet, we desire to fall in step with a few others in our life’s journey, just to make it a pleasant shared experience. And so…
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On Endings and Beginnings
I am grateful to the friend who reminded me that without pain, we would never know joy; without grief, we would not know love. They are two sides of the same coin; inseparable. Images of my father flood my mind at unexpected moments in the day, from a quiet coffee break to the middle of…
The Right to be Wrong 